last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize