Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
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