Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Randomize
