maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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