Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
