Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Randomize
