So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Randomize
