btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
