...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
