Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
