I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
and you fell through a lawn chair
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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