My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
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