a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
