Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
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