there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
