He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
