Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Randomize
