Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
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