i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
