I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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