she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
