maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Randomize
