I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
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