garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Randomize
