Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
