im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
