ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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