I love watching others lives come down to our level.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
