She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
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