Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize