when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Randomize
