Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Please don't give away my fajitas
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
