you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
