so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
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