Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
