Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
