my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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