Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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