And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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