I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
