It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Randomize
