so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
