Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Randomize
