I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
