You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
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