Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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