Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
