this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Randomize
