do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
