Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize
