I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
