Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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