bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
