There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize