people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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