I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
You need a sexual gate keeper
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
