I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
where does the pee come out of this thing
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
