If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
