Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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