i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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