Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
