she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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