Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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