Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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