Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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