It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
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