Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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