Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
false alarm, still single
Randomize
